Preparation is key
Just as in real life, preparing yourself to have a meaningful conversation can make all the difference. Picking the right time of day, when both parties are well rested and in the right frame of mind is just as important as setting an agenda and sending it plenty of time in advance so that the other person doesn’t feel like this is sprung on them.
Get curious
Apart from preparing the meeting and the agenda, you also need to prepare your frame of mind. When we cultivate curiosity, it helps us to be open to the other person’s point of view. This makes us better listeners, and that in turn encourages the other person to open-up giving us better quality information.
Pay attention to body language
In face-to-face conversations we are much better at interpreting nonverbal cues and using that information to help enhance the conversation. Picking up these queues while online is much more challenging. This is especially true when we can only see a person’s face. If we get less information coming in, then we need to pay more attention to it. Think about the image you are projecting too. Are you sitting so close to your camera that you come across as being “in someone’s face”? Try moving your camera back to get more of your body in the shot, and focus on an open friendly posture.
Ask empowering questions
If you want a more meaningful conversation ask good quality questions. Try to come up with some before the meeting and have them to hand. Empowering questions are open, and help someone to think more deeply about the topic. Some examples are:
“Can you help me to understand?”
“Can you share an example?”
“What was the impact?”
Stay on topic and share your perspective
Make sure your agenda is front and center and use it to keep you on track. If you feel that the conversation is slipping off topic, try to refocus it by saying “It seems like we’re starting to talk about different things.”
You can also use impact statements to express yourself more clearly. An example looks like this:
“When you said X, the impact it had on me was Y. I’m guessing you didn’t mean that. Can you share what you were trying to say?”
This both shows the other person your perspective and gives them an opportunity to clarify or reframe their point considering your feelings and opinion.
Using these techniques, you will find that difficult conversations get easier the more you practice them to be ready to handle this situation when it arises.